Even though I am super excited to have my three little ones head off to pre-school today for another year of fun and learning, I'm feeling sluggish and my heart is heavy.
Could it be the tons of crap I ate all weekend long? Sure. But, what's lingering more in my mind is the upcoming 10 year anniversary of 9-11. While I'm unpacking from the weekend of fun in the beach, I'm going to start re-packing the family to head up to NY for the memorial.
My kids have been starting to pick up on the fact that something really bad happened 10 years ago. They have questions...it's the first time I've thankfully had to tell them about people dying, people being killed, bad people and planes. It's been hard. What to censor, how to explain it just right.
I've been watching the news, and reading the stories of first responders and families of those lost. My husband and I have both had the tears trickling down our cheeks. It's hard. Dave was in NYC, watching the terror and the towers fall. I, on the other hand, had just moved down to Arlington, VA and saw the plane hit the Pentagon. It was a day that changed America. It's a day that is still just as raw as it was 10 years ago.
As a parent, I can't imagine having my child feel this type of pain, this type of horror. I think about how my dad must have felt all the time. See, like I said, I had just moved down to my friends place and was staying there until we found an apartment to share. She, a born and raised NYer as well, was at work already and called me after the plane hit the first tower. I had just called my dad to see if he had been watching the news (he had)when the second plane hit. What the hell was going on!?
I was still on the phone with him, both of us watching the news, not really talking to each other, but still not wanting to hang up, when the building I was in started to shake. I remember saying to my dad, "Geez...I know we're close to Regan National Airport, but this is crazy", as I walked out to the balcony. The next thing I know the huge tail of a plane is in front of me, but I didn't know it was a plane at that minute, because it was so fast, so quick and then a HUGE fireball and explosion. I screamed, "We're getting bombed". The phone went dead. I started screaming. People in the streets were screaming and cars were stopping in the street. I'm trying to get my dad back on the phone (I shudder now thinking about how he felt not knowing what was going on, like so many other people that day, but hearing we're getting bombed from your child and then nothing....). Between NY and VA, the cell lines were all blocked up, but I do manage to get him one more time. He said, "Get out of there. Go to a school." Where the heck is a school?! I just moved there. I call my girlfriend back...she is leaving work, she heard about the Pentagon, and guides me to meet her there. On my way out the building, fire alarm lights are flashing in the hallways...I get my car and am stopped outside of the apartment building because there are Army tanks coming out onto the streets. Is this real? At this point, I hear, while I'm in the car, one of the Towers fell. Holy crap. This is just plain craziness. I finally get to meet my friend, and we head to her boyfriends where we watch, for hours upon hours, the horrific site in NYC and the Pentagon. It was awful and scary for me and I was really not ever in harms way. I can't imagine what others who were in danger were feeling. I try to imagine but I just can't. But I do know that everyone remembers what they were doing and where they were on Sept. 11th. It is encased in our minds and hearts.
9-11 turned me into a grown up as I then realized that bad guys weren't just in the movies, and terrorists really existed. We are not impermeable.
So, this September 11th, I will attend a memorial and say another prayer for the people whose lives were so tragically lost, and for the families left behind still dealing with the horror on such a personal level.
But going forward, I'm going to make September 11th a day that we take time out as a family and just enjoy each other. It's easy to get caught up with day to day life and all the activities that come along with school, kids, work...but this day, the day that the world stopped turning, will be a day of love and rememberance that any day can be our last. It will always be a day that I make certain to hug my kids a bit more, kiss my husband a little more, and try to spend time with my parents and loved ones. I'm especially thankful this year that my brother is flying in from California to be with us.
And although I will never forget, the terrorists will not win. I will not think about them on this day anymore. For me, from now on, September 11th is going to be about love, family and life.
No comments:
Post a Comment