Oh Poop!

Oh the joys that come with the aftermath of Halloween. Sugar highs are one thing, but sugar crashes are another. My kids got to pig out on Halloween, and not by my choice, but by the sneakiness gene that each one of my children seem to posess. Alaina walks out of the bathroom, after her post trick or treating bath, with a face full of chocolate. Mind you, I'm on day 2 of my Atkins diet, so I wanted to lick her face clean, but instead, I wipe it with a wipe and then practically snort it up my nose.

Nov. 1st was also bad...a big day of whining and attempts at sneaking more candy. Finally, the kids each picked 10 pieces and then put it in a box for Uncle Michael, who is in Afghanistan right now. Dave, however, picked about 52 pieces of my favorite chocolates and has been sitting, night after night, eating them next to me. Take tonight, for example. The guy is almost begging me to eat a chocolate covered cranberry as it's "Only probably 5 calories". Ummm...OK. And because he's consuming half the bag, I can count on eating just one and not wanting another? GRRRR. What a supportive husband I have while on my diet. But, as a friend pointed out, the bigger he gets, the smaller I will look. If only I was going to be sitting next to him on the cruise. Instead, most likely, I'll be sitting next to my super skinny girlfriend who ALSO has 4 kids, one which was born a mere 6 months ago. Faaaabulous.

I digress. So, here we are on day 3 of the sugar crash. My kids are SUPER whiny today, and I had a new friend to my boutique come over tonight to buy a few early Christmas presents. Since my kids go completely nuts as soon as a "new person" rings the doorbell, I took advantage of the nice day and told them to jump on the trampoline. The woman and I chatted and I showed her some new pieces...everything was going smoothly -aka- quietly, UNTIL..... I have my 4 adorable children, shoe-less from the trampoline, run into my house looking as if they had snuck more chocolate from the Halloween baskets. HOWEVER, along with their brown stained faces and hands and clothing...they are yelling, "Will wiped poop on my face". All of them. In unison. Faaaantastic. Wait, what?! We don't have a dog, and I've never seen one roaming free in my backyard. Random animals? I've seen a skunk once...could it be skunk poop? Good God. I quickly say goodbye to the poor gal who, although having three kids of her own, was probably traumatized by my filthy little poop faced children. Of course as I examine more closely after the door is shut and she pulls out of the driveway, it is actually mud. MUD! Why the hell couldn't they have said mud?! Why, when a new person is in the house, must they say it's poop?! Add this to the fact that I haven't had sugar OR alcohol in 3 days (and yes, I realize 3 days to go without alcohol is not a long time, HOWEVER, knowing I can't have it and having a couple of crazy days, not to mention the fun time of the month....); let's just say it almost put me over the edge. I call my friend Jody to tell my tale as my kids are all in showers throughout the house and she laughs away my horror.

I facebook message the poor gal and tell her, of course it was mud on their faces, not the aforementioned poop and while she was very gracious, I have decided from now on when people come over, the kids are in the basement....with Halloween candy...so that when they come up saying there is poop on their face and my customers leave in horror, at least I can lick their faces clean and get a bit of satisfaction out of it all!